Extraordinarily Ordinary

When did everything lose its magic?

I remember nights when the wind would speak to me, and the water shimmer with some secret magic.

I recall looking at the world with eyes just a little more hopeful.

Is this what aging is? To slowly grow more and more jaded so that existence loses its brilliance?

Or is it just me.?

Am I just sitting in a place letting dark thoughts cloud my vision bit by bit?

I think I’m self-aware enough to know that I have an inclination toward melodrama; that my mind prefers to exist in cinematic extremes rather than rifle through difficult clouds of nuance. And maybe it is my apparent commitment to the binary that truly limits me more than anything else.

How do you train your mind for flexibility

or open yourself to embracing vulnerability?

Why do I crave a “right” answer, path, or way when every direction someone imposes on me feels stifling and wrong?

I am eternally frustrated with the contradictions within my operation

I lack motivation or drive

but crave diversity of experience and change

I am afraid of everything and limited by my fear

but I am dissatisfied with a static existence.

I am fearful of vulnerability and rejection

but above all else crave genuine understanding and connection

(YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO)

life is hard. Idk?